Is there such a thing as too much love?

Not going to type alot today. Just wanted to ask a question...or two....or several??? Is there such a thing as too much love??? Can you be full on in love with more than one person?? And if so, how many people can you truely be in love with?? Ok, bonus question....wtf is wrong with me?!

WOW! What a truely truely long time since I have blogged!! I am not one to just write just to write about myself....but today had a REALLY rough time with something I found while packing. Actually I was packing up some art supply stuff from my closet, and while packing a box of my mother's stuff I ran across the following writing of my mom's. Of COURSE it caught my eye, and after I read it twice, I sat my hubby down and read it to him. I think it really gave his some insight to me and my mother's life together. I'll admit, it made me cry hard and really open up to my hubby about not only what was in this note, but about why I think I have weight issues....because I had an epiphany a month or two ago, that really rocked my world...so much so that I didn't share it with anyone until this morning with Tom. So buckle up this might be a bumpy ride. If I added anything I used ( ) but if she used this in her note I used (( )).

Written by Sharon July 1989
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"The Last Ten Years of Hell" (she only made it through 5 of them)

Feb 4, 1984-Moved to California-panned for gold-tried to get Darrell (my first step father) to set up goldsmithing shop-not achieved. Took regular watch over Aunt Trudie-ill. (my mother's aunt)

April 1985-Looked for a job as money was wasting away for the shop-trying to keep in bank

May 1985-Waitress job, full time, Darrell watching kids-found out he made them stay in their room all the time (while) I was at work & would only feed them cereal or sandwiches (fried balogna) (for) a week at a time while he fixed himself full course dinner. (Darrell) Did nothing but watch TV & play video games (Atari)-Thyroid gland hyper tension ((overactivity)) kicks up.

Oct 1985-Working two jobs, restaraunt then Dinner house, Darrell gets worse mind & body are all screwed up-clinging to me like a baby then run from me if I approached him. starts to work for grocery cart repair, then he has accident & is charged w/ misdemeanor man slaughter, (his work truck he was driving lost power on a busy road and before he could somehow push it to the side of the road, a motorcyclist ran right into the back of the truck. Due to the loss of power, not even the hazard lights were on, therefore it was considered involuntary manslaughter.) thyroid getting worse, but he won't go to a doctor to find out what's wrong, can't stand any more. New Year's Eve of '86 we separate.

Jan 1986- I moved in with a girlfriend. Kids want to stay with Darrell because he's sick. Darrell persuades them I don't love them. He harrasses me at work. First time I ever get fired, look for work-no money, left what was in the bank for him and the kids.

Feb 1986-New job-bartending-now I'm trash to them, a whore, a drunk, they don't want to be with me

March 1986-Persuade Darrell to sell the gold-they have to move out & I need a place to stay of my own. He takes $5000.00 I asked for $500.00. Rented 1 bedroom apartment kids will visit but don't want to live with me. Still taking care of Aunt Trudie.

June 1986-Kids decide to live w/ me. Dating Robert, they don't like him. (Robert is Robby and Cody's father....also the one who abused us all) Running errand for Darrell, a lady runs into my car-right side from door back ruined back tires, couldn't get to work as (it was) 5 miles. Fired in July. (she didn't mention that both Nell and I were in the car, and the lady almost killed my sister in the front seat. This is also the accident the messed up both my knees.)

July 1986-go to Bakersfield w/Robert to fix his parent's motor home breakdown-coming home we stopped at bar, leave (leaving) he says I have to drive, before I get off freeway-DUI car impounded etc.

Aug 1986-Back to Bakersfield for court 3 days almost. Second day gone Aunt Trudie passes away, Uncle Ralph couldn't find me, I didn't get to say goodbye as cremated next morning as she wanted.

Sept. 1986-Robert has me and kids move in his (trailer) house, I go to work at the Mine. Kids don't like it at his house as we aren't allowed anything- (as) it's their house. (we had to sleep in the living room, and all of our stuff was in storage. There was NO privacy.)

Nov. 1986 Robert kicks us out as can't stand the selfishness. Move to Copperopolis-11 miles away, can't find a job for 3 months. Now Robert wants us back. (she didn't mention that his sons HATED us, he was cheating on her-we found the used condoms, they expected US to clean up after them all the time, and his son Robby chased me with a Machete threatening to kill me!)

March 1987 Move to rental house w/Robert & kids in Soulsbyville, have a job working anytime 4-16 hrs a day. Tempers flare.

May 88-Quit job as so many tempers, ***Nika acting up Robert mind fucking w/ me starting to get violent. (Starting?? There were full on beatings at this time...)

July 88-Start work again-bartending full time. Robert has changed, drinking alot, harassing me at my job (thinks) ((I'm fucking all the men in the bar)) stays for hours watching me. It was time to split. I was ready, Robert went nuts, he loved me too much to split up.

Oct 23 1988-After work-car wreck Medivac to Modesto Doctors Hospital-broken neck, 1 1/2 days later was sent hom in Halo Vest. Next day Robert left for San Jose to work, ***Nika went to Darrell'sa w/ Nell for 2 days. I was scared-so scared I couldn't hardly get off couch or bed to go to bathroom or anything-all alone, very scared, hurt. (We were told to go to Darrell's, otherwise I would have stayed!!) They told me Iwas a terrible person for almost dying and leaving them alone, for wrecking the car, doing it on purpose, (I don't remember saying any of this but I DO remember when it happened that I was VERY ANGRY @ Robert as he had just worked on her car) Worst of all was poor Ron-I don't really know if I was to blame for him dying or his drugs or both, but they all told me I killed him, they told me and told me and told me. (I didn't even know about this other person at the time...) We lost the house, I couldn't work, had $17,000.00 in med bills God help me. I married Robert with no choice. We moved in a little travel trailer on Robert's parent's property-he kept working in San Jose-doing drugs and seeing Elaine I found out a few months after the guns & knives at my head & throat he wanted to kill me for finding out. (The little travel trailer was actually two travel trailers....Nell and I in one, and Robert and my mom in the other. It was creepy, but home. I didn't know about the weapons threatening my mother....but it WAS during this time that I did take one of those guns and put it to my own head...the only time in my life I truely contemplated suicide. The only thing that stopped me was my worry over who would take care of my sister if I wasn't around in all this madness. This is also when I started SERIOUSLY drinking.....all the time, from the moment I got on school grounds, until the buses left to take me "home" hell, Mom even bought me Schnapps, wine coolers, and beer at this time.)

April 1989-Had to get shelter w/ the homeless before he killed us. (We were put up in a Motel for a week or so, then moved in and out of friends' houses.)

July- got an apt for us girls, guess who came back begging, I'm a fool he wasn't working, no place to stay, I'm a damn fool. The sexual assault began little by little, (I would wake up on Friday, and Saturday nights well into the morning actually, with them fighting, and several times I found him naked on my mother choking her....I finally ran to a neighbor's house to call the police, we didn't have a phone, and they took him to jail. She ended up dropping the charges, saying that nothing had happened...) I'm so brain fucked by now I don't know what's happening, I do as he says or it's more physical or he will get his buddies to really take care of me. (Robert had worked as a baliff, and therefore all the local cops were his buddies, they used to harrass us everytime Mom drove anywhere...they would pull her over just to pull her over....and then let her go, or just threaten her. After awhile he somehow got the biker gang Hell's Angels involved, and there were threats from all over town that they were after my mom.) I can't go on right now there is so much I've left out or really can't write down yet.

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So my friends, here is a very intimate look at my life from 12-16. It was in December of '90 that I was taken away from my Mother's custody (THANK GOD!) placed in foster care for almost 3 months, and then sent to live with my father in Las Vegas.

Thank you for your time, and friendship!

Lonliness

Loneliness isn't just something you feel. It's something you live. My emotions are all over the board lately. I can't seem to get it together. I want to cry at the littlest of things and yell and scream and stomp my feet. But, it doesn't help. My poor boys. Their Daddy is out of town, and their Mommy is falling apart. I'm withdrawing. I can feel it. I don't even want to talk to anyone, even when T calls. Tonight he said something about it. "How are you today?" he asked..."OK" was my response. "You always say OK.... you just keep sucking it up." so I retorted with "That's how you taught me..." (an old joke about soldier and family sucking it up). "It's getting hard to read you lately, you're not very talkative." (Hmmm no kidding!) "Don't really feel much like talking the last few days" The sad thing is, sometimes I stare at my cell phone begging for it to ring.....and the moment it does I cringe at the thought of continuing this charade of "I'm OK" cause I am not. But there is no cure for me. Only time, and tears, and this my friends sums me up. As always thank for your time, love and support.
Yours always,
Nika

My words have runneth over

This I promise, is a short one. I was just skimming over my last few blogs.....damn am I long winded!! I guess that once I finally sit down to write, everything just pours out. Therefore I must apologize for "my words have runneth over." That is all for today as I am in a pretty shitty mood. As always, thank you for your time, patience, love and support!
Nika

I think it's time...

Today I think it's time to start/continue the grieving process. It has been a long long time since my last entry. Too damn long. So much has happened that it really is difficult to decide where to start. A started kindergarten, and he's having fun, though there is still the worry that since the school didn't test him initially like they were SUPPOSED to do, that he may be held back to P1 instead of going on to the first grade.
Other than that I guess I'll skip the petty bullshit and begin when my life changed forever. November 7th, 2006. The day I think I will always refer to as THAT day. The day started out normal. I got the boys up and A didn't have school that day because it was election day. Our Mom's Club had a trip scheduled for Martinsburg to tour a small chocolate factory. J, A and I went and picked up one of the other mom's, her little girl, and her daycare ward for the day. We all had fun at the chocolate factory, it was a very small one but it sure had the kids all buzzing about the process. Then the boys and I came home and had an easy going day. Come about 7:30P.M. I get a phone call. (I'm paraphrasing some of this) "Is this A****** T***?" "Yes it is" "This is (muffled) and I am calling because your mother is very sick, and we have called an ambulance for her, but we don't want to leave your sister here, can you come get her?" "I'll be right there!" I had just put on my jama bottoms before the phone rang, so I was quick to change Tom asked if I wanted them to come along, and I told him "No, we'll be right back, besides, it's their bedtime anyways." Boy was THAT a mistake! So anyways, they only lived 2.5 miles down the road so as you can expect I flew down there to see what was what. As I turn onto their little lane (they lived in a trailer court) I knew something was very wrong. First there was of course the ambulance...with NO lights running, and the fire trucks...with NO lights running, and a state trooper car, AND a crowd of people all standing around. One would think that all of these would have prepared me for what was about to be disclosed to me. WRONG. As I get out of the suburban I see some lady who I do not recognize point to me and say "This is her, she's here now." Then the state trooper approached me and asked if I was A****** T*** so I said yes, and then he said (again paraphrasing) "I'm afraid I've got some bad news"

Now the very first thing that ran in my mind I must admit was that something had happened to D my sis. I was in no way prepared when he said "Your mother has passed away."

I remember screaming and hitting him, trying to pull away....but that's all I really remember until I went up the few stairs to their front door. First thing I saw was my sister on her bed, sitting with some other young lady. I asked her if she was ok, and she said yes. Apparently it hadn't sunk in at all for her at that time.

(I guess I should really set the scene for you. My mother was not the most cleanliness of people when she was sick. And she had been really sick. They had moved into the tiniest two bedroom mobile home I had ever seen, and then they just used the bedrooms as storage for most of their boxes and stuff. Therefore, both of their twin bed mattresses were on the floor in the tiny little living room. They didn't think they had any heat, so they had tons of blankets piled ontop of each bed. There were dirty dishes, and full ashtrays all over the place. The kitchen sinks were plum full of yes you guessed it dirty dishes and a couple of pans. Thanks to my mother's worthless pomeranian, the whole place smelled like urine and feces. EW! There were two or three boxes of half unpacked kitchen boxes right there. So as you enter their trailer, you glance straight ahead and slightly to the right and saw their "bedroom" and if you didn't even turn your head but just glanced to the left you saw most of the kitchen. You only had to take three steps to see the entire kitchen. About the length of my mother's mattress down the wall, was her "storage room" and just down a short hall from the kitchen was their bathroom, which is apparently where Mom had died...and barely beyond that was D's "storage room." Ok, so now that the area is described, as I walked in I saw my sister, like I said with some woman, and a whole bunch of men standing around. They all started asking me questions like "Was your mom ill?", "What medications were you mom on?", "When did you see her last?", etc. Yes mom had the flu, she was on all kinds of meds, as she was bipolar, manic depressive, diabetic, migraine prone, I saw her last Friday etc, etc, etc. Now this day was a Tuesday. While they are asking me questions, I'm firing some right back at them...what happened? When? Why? Who found her? How? I was told that my sister had found my mother, but thought she had fallen asleep on the toilet, (please keep in mind D has Down Syndrome) so she left her alone for most of the day. Most of the day........... Then apparently, she realized that she needed help and opened up a window by her mattress, and started screaming "Help, help, my mom is sick!!" A neighbor heard the cries for help and contacted the court manager. The manager and her husband came down and used their master keys to get into the trailer, and they saw my mother and comforted my sister. (They didn't have my # so they called the owner of the trailer who was the mysterious voice that had called me into coming to get my sister.) After answering some questions, the emts wanted D outta there, so I told her to go and pack a bag with some of her clothes so she could come home with me. Then I called T. "Um T..."
"Yes babe."
"I was wrong, I think you better get down here."
"Why what's wrong?"
"Mom's dead."
"WHAT? What do you mean she's dead?"
"I mean she's gone, she passed away. The state trooper doesn't think I should be driving right now, and I guess I agree with him."
"We'll be right there."
"T..."
"Yeah?"
"You don't have any car seats...only A's booster."
"We'll make do, we'll be right there!"
D was done packing by now, so they took her outside to wait. They were starting to talk about taking my mom out....so I told them to wait, that I had to see her. Someone else besides D had to ID her, and I was the only family left. They (meaning all the EMT guys) didn't think it was a good idea but I insisted. They asked me to wait a minute while they cleaned her up. ??? That made me wonder a little. A man came out and said ok, you can come back now. I walked back there not sure what to really expect.
Not it a zillion years was I prepared for what my eyes saw. (As you turned to enter the bathroom, on the left there was a very small vanity, and just past that was the toilet, and then the tub against the back wall. On the right was the clothes washer and dryer. There was barely a walkway between.) Sitting on the toilet, hunched over to her right with her head down was my mother. Pants and undies down to her ankles, hair covering her face. I remember dropping down on my haunches, and brushing her hair away. It was so sad. So unreal. My mother's face was ... She looked like she had been coughing. Coughing hard. There were purple splotches throughout most of her face. Her eyes were closed almost tightly. I think I kept apologizing at that point, telling how I was sorry I wasn't there for her. How I wish I would have known how truely sick she was. How I wish she would have gone to the doctor (about a week later I got a phone call from her health clinic, they were calling to let her know that her flu shot had come in... About 5 minutes after getting off the phone with them, her doctor called me back in disbelief....saying "I had just seen her.") I told her then, that I loved her.....though I know it just fell on deaf ears, and that I would make her proud and take good care of D.

I don't even remember leaving her, but I remember telling the men that I was done saying goodbye. I saw Tom entering the trailer at that point...they were there. A was crying wanting to see Nana....he had overheard our entire conversation. T was carrying him into the trailer and I freaked...."Get him outta here....he doesn't need to see her this way!! A didn't understand of course and only wanted to hug and kiss his Nana. T took A back to the car, and came in and held me tightly... then they brought her out in a white body bag. How strange it was for me to know that in that bag was my mother. How detached I felt from reality at that point. I am not absolutely sure that I have truely felt attached to reality since.

I think this is where I need to stop for now. I'll pick back up soon, probably even this week while T is away. To all my dearest....I love you and THANK YOU for all your support!!!

Oh side note....I started smoking again that night. I need to quit. I have a goal to quit very soon. But not today.

The cruise...

We took our eldest daughter (technically my step daughter) and her boyfriend on a cruise for her graduation present. How cool are we?? (In MY humble opinion....very cool!) I will call them E & AW. It was a week long cruise, and we had our balcony room....and they had theirs right next door. The cruise started with the first day and a half at sea, we surprised the kids further with some snuck in mixed drinks for our nightly conversations on the balconies. (They had to be 21 on the ship but not in any of the ports we were going to.)
Monday we was our first port...Puerto Rico. The first place that E could LEGALLY drink, so she was REALLY excited. We took her to Senor Frogs a fabulous party place, especially for the young or the young at heart. We started with yard drinks, T, E, and I each had a "Banana Rama" while AW had a yard of beer and a shot of Crown. Then E had a shot w/ AW, and I told her that I had wanted to have a shot with her.....so of course she ordered another round of shots so I could toast her. ;-) They had a beer chugging contest for the first four people that could get on stage...E got there, even knocked down a banister to get there quickly. She was up against 3 other guys....all had at least 40-50#s on her.....but wouldn't you know it, she out chugged them! She almost lost her cookies on stage, but we encouraged her to leave the stage quickly. When she asked what she had won...the guy told her, well, I own the bar, so you win a free drink of course. She ordered a yard of Smirnoff. Each yard equivalates to about 2.5 drinks. Before they even could bring it to her, she lost ALL her cookies....right onto my tennies that she had borrowed AND my sandals that I was wearing....can I hear an EEEWWW! One would think that she would cease and surrender at that point.....but not OUR daughter! About then I had to use the ladies room.....and while trying to make it back across the dance floor to our table.....they started a type of "line dane" no this was not a country bar.....but that's the best I could explain it....imagine trying to cut through the "Electric Slide" with the whole damn dance floor packed with young inebriated people! (In Puerto Rico, the law states that you only have to "appear 16" to legally drink!!!! N E Who....I had to participate since I was right in the middle of the dance floor when they started it. Thank goodness I had already had a few drinks myself......lol. Finally by the time E called it a night....we had 11 yard glasses among us....yes 11! I think I had ordered 3, along with that shot...hmmm not to mention the several drinks aboard the ship before deboarding....lol. N E ways...E signalled surrender....and I headed to the T-shirt store really quickly to find her a souvenir, it was right up front.. a little black baby doll t that said "If your happy and you know it buy me a drink...." For those of you who know of my E girl.....fitting or what??!! Well when I exited the store....E was bent over the curb praying to the streetside. T handed me my drink to finish on the walk to the boat...and onlookers are calling out "Hey there goes the chugga girl!" It was official.....our daughter was the PR Chugga girl for the following week onboard the Carnival ship, we heard it many times...all week long. I took a sip of my drink and guess what I tasted?? Would it be my banana rama? Of course not...it was.. well I'll leave that to YOUR imagination. Let's just say it was very unpleasant! E was up all night praying to the porcelain god. I guess she kept AW up most of the night too. But he deserved it as he started having an attitude with her at the club.
The next morning we were in St. Thomas...so T and I headed out early, and did some shopping. He bought us some very nice anniversary rings from a place that I've been looking at for the last three years. I am still ecstatic. Then we bought the usual t-shirts and little stuff for the kids. Heading back to the ship we got ahold of E & AW and met up with them...we changed into our swim suits and hailed a cab for a beach somewhere. We didn't get to play in the surf long, as a tropical storm came in, and when I saw the first flash of lightening, my happy ass was outta the water! E thought it was a topless beach.....so she flashed me....lol it was funny...but AW got really pissed off at her. He told her that if I could see her boobs then that meant someone else could have too. Only problem being that it was such a secluded beach....we were pretty much the ONLY people out there!
We headed back into port, and stopped at a little local bar to have something to drink (sprite for E LOL) and maybe grab a snack....well after 45 minutes of waiting for nachos...we gave up and told the waitress to forget it! Then we went back to the ship.
Wednesday morning we were in St. Maarten which is a REALLY interesting island. First off it's about 13 miles long and an average of 3 miles across. Plus half of it is Dutch, and the other half is French. Yep split right down the middle as far as I could tell! The kids went on an ATV excursion first thing in the morning, so we went in to do some shopping. We got bored pretty quickly, and went in search of a beach. We had heard that there were both topless and nude beaches so we found a cab and asked the cabbie about it. He knew of what we were talking about and took us to a place that had both. We asked him to meet us in 3 hours and off we walked. First off I didn't have my bathing suit on to begin with, so I searched for a bathroom....it cost me a buck to use the facilities!! And two people were allowed into the small bathroom at a time... it was kinda weird! But I went with the flow. Then T and I walked over to the nude beach. It was quite the experience let me tell you. First off, it is NOT what most people expect. Immediately T says to me "Hey do you smell that?" and of course I did...so I let my nose do it's job and there was this man sitting there smoking this HUGE doobie. Wow we both were a little in awe about that. So, on with the scenery, there were about 3 pretty women out there. T-H-R-E-E. And MAYBE one or two decent men. Secondly, you really felt out of place walking down the beach with clothes ON. I mean REALLY outta place. T and I found some chairs with an umbrella, and I took off my top....ok not too embarrassing.....then I looked over at T and he was stripped down. Crap. Ok, not to be out done by my own hubby, I did it. I went nude in public. And you know what....it wasn't so uncomfortable, despite the fact that I am not a skinny minnie. I was pretty proud of myself. I did keep thoughts of some of my more courageous friends in mind though!! Needless to say I got burnt from the inside crook of my arm, up my arms, full chest shot and down to my waist. OUCH! You would think that all this would be adventurous enough, but ah hell no. We hurriedly went to these little open tents to buy a couple more shirts etc for the kids, and as we started to walk away, there were these 3 guys standing there smoking a.....you guessed it a doobie. So T smarts off with something about "Hey wanna share?" This is SO not T! And I think it confused the guys to begin with. So I smarted off and said something about "They must not be taking you seriously.....he wanted to know if you wanna share.." The kid held this monsterous joint out to me and I just looked at T.... He said "Why not, you don't get drug tested!" So I did. You know, it's been 16 years since I last got high. And I had only smoked twice in my life, once when I was 11, and then again when I was 16 with my mother. But as a child who grew up with it constantly in the home...I can tell you this. It was some good shit. Three mighty puffs of that and I was baked. T knew it and I knew it. We headed back to the little eatery closest to where our cabbie was to pick us up, and ordered some fries, and another drink. The plate was huge, and T says I ate almost the whole plateful by myself! So, we went with this cabbie back towards the ship...he even pointed out the "gentleman's club" (whore house) and tells us that he has even taken a few couples there.....ok not my cup of tea...no matter how high...lol. He even tells us that he goes there and it's $40 for 20 minutes, or in the slow season $20 for 20 minutes. OK. He drops us off at the portside, and I immediately tell T I need another drink. Now first off, drinks on board are expensive....$10 for a beer....and second off....well I've got cotton mouth by now....lol So we see a little stand and I ask for a dirty monkey....(a very yummy banana concoction) and the guy says he doesn't have that but he has the BEST drink on the island available. I asked him for a taste first, and he mixed it right up. OMG!!! OMG!! He was not lying...it was AWESOME..it was a guavaberry rum drink DE'LIC'IOUS!!! It was so good we bought two bottles of the rum, and T even talked him into making us a free drink to go with the purchase! The man must have thought I was a kick....he even wrote out the recipe using his tasting cups....he drew lines on each one and labelled what amount went with what ingredient. So for any of you that make it to my house...(if I still have any...haha) the drinks are on me! N E Who...trying to board the ship, we pass a K-9 dog with the local police.....that scared me a bit. And then at dinner with the kids.....E was telling me how this man approached them for a $20 bag and how they had declined (very surprising for them as they are regular partakers) and I started giggling. T started laughing and when E looked at us quizzically we laughed even harder. She couldn't believe us.... then after a few minutes of watching me I guess she knew...lol oh well, even I know how to have a good time sometimes.
We had two more days at sea before our cruise ended back in Miami. We all did our own things....T and I got full body massages, I got a facial (I won it at an art auction) we just met up when we set it up... it was a blast! Although I do hope that next time we cruise.....if we do not take the boys that is.....that we go it alone. I gave us some great together time, but we could always use more ;-) BTW Sex on the beach may be great, but on your own private balcony (we had the in between door locked for one night) it was awesome!!
On Saturday morning, we were allowed to disembark early if we hand carried our luggage, so we did cuz we had to drive the kids all the way back to NC...it took us about 15 hours to get them home. Then we only found two hotel rooms there to stay the night and get a fresh start home in the morning..... one was $45 and after we took it, and the AC didn't work, and there were no bath towels, and then the toilet didn't work....we asked for our money back and left. The other was $115 and 20 minutes outside of town. So we roughed it at a rest stop in the truck. We would have just kept driving for an hour or so until we could have found something, but we had already asked our younger daughter V to meet us for breakfast before we left town, and didn't want to disappoint her. What parent's will do for their kids. Not to mention what a culture shock to be spoiled on that cruise and then sleep that very night in our truck...ugh! Well that sums up the cruise trip....so I'll try and add in the other trips in the next few days or so...it feels good to write again. As always, thanks foryour friendship, time, and support. I love ya! Nika

Picking up where I left off...let's just start with the wedding ...

Hello, I'm sorry about the address change....I wasn't feeling comfortable writing where my brother's new bride would just read about me and judge. Alot has happened since I wrote at the other site. Alot between many different branches of my family, and alot of travel!
In mid-May the boys and I went to Vegas to spend two weeks with my brother and his then fiance...they got married on the 28th of May. It was an extreemely long visit. My hubby's Aunt N has a theory of visitors...."Their like fish, after three days they start to stink." I have loved her theory for years and every year it seems to hold more and more true for me. Even though the boys and I were the visitors...I felt like I should have been the host. Neither my brother nor his soon to be wife even fixed us a meal.....IN TWO WEEKS!! I however cooked several times....like everytime we ate unless I voulunteered to pay for everyone else's meal. I finally stood up for THAT toward the end of our stay. In fact other than my own cooking, my father grilled hot dogs for us one night (eww but at least the boys loved it!,) and two of my best friend's in the whole world had us over for dinner. (Shell you made a fantastic roast, and Chick....your hubby cooks wonderfully as well!) MMmmm GOOD! Thanks for the true hospitality! O & BTW....THANX for the AWESOME GNO!! OG was fantastic! Wish you coulda stayed Chick!
In fact that's where we took my new sis in law for her bachelorette party the following week. I got D a lap dance. B and I got totally hammered...whooo hooo, and other than that we thought it all went real well. Until the next morning. I fainlly got ahold of T (my hubby) on the cell...and when I asked him how the bachelor party went...all he would say was ..."I'll talk to you when I see you." Seem very ominous so when I told B, she called her hubby L. Wouldn't you know he said almost the exact same thing?? Then I got worried and called T back and told him to just spit it out. Apparently, my now sis in law's BROTHER (TY) pulled a knife on MY hubby! Let's just say I was NOT a happy camper! Then I got a phone call from LL and he wanted D to come back to the house and pack up cuz he was "not staying for this ..." D and I dropped off B at her house, and we went to go calm down LL. When we finally thought he was calm, I had D take me back to my hotel where Ree had stayed the night with our boys. Bro and S got married....L was his best man, T stood behind him, and TY stood behind HIM. Imagine having the punk who had pulled a knife on you just two night before standing behind you at a wedding??!! Shell and Barbie were there too....thank goodness....it was pretty tense, and I could have easily lost it. The reception was worse! S's mother is a bitch! Flat out! Barbie and Shell helped set out the hors d'oeuvres, and just as soon as they were finished.....Cathy had them move it to where SHE wanted it for her daughter....blah blah blah. Then, she chewed me out for not being there the previous day for the decorating.....I bluntly told her that I didn't participate in events that I was not invited to. I know I sound bitchy....but she was someone you had to respond like that to. Then....she told me she needed me to lift the wedding cake. WTH?? D had made that cake for TWO days.... so I asked her why? She wanted to put a cloth under the cake...so I told her that there was a cloth under the cake....hey there was one. But SHE wanted THIS one under the cake. Well.... this wedding/reception was in Vegas...(obviously bery hot there) and I was NOT going to let this cake get ruined because for some CLOTH. That cake would have fallen apart if I had been stupid enough to lift it!! (Cathy was NOT happy with me.) Then, she told Shell and I that she wanted one of us to CRAWL under the table to plug in a slow cooker....uhhh hello?? We were all in our clothing from the wedding!! My outfit was over $100 I was NOT crawling on the floor to make HER happy.....besides...what was wrong with HER doing it!! N E Who....I was doing fine until as I came around a corner I was T (my hubby,) and TY (the knife puller) heading straight toward me. Oh crap! I told them both that I wasn't in the mood. But T asked me to listen. This 21 yo kid told me he was an ass...I agreed, then he said a few other choice names....all of which I agreed....so I told him this "If you really want to kill someone, go join the military, at least they'll teach you to do it the right way..... And if you can't handle your liqour, don't drink...." Just then I saw our two little boys (ages 5 and 2) come around the corner with Bro... and that's when I got personal. I told him "You see those two boys right there?" he replied "Yes" and I said "Well, we've got two daughters too....what would you have wanted me to tell them, had you succeeded with that knife the other night? You would have left them all without a father." Then TY started to cry. Just to relieve the tension, I told him that I forgave him. But I lied. I wasn't ready to forgive him for that added stress! T the boys and I left the moment that we saw alcohol coming out as we did not want a replay of the bachelor party, it was just too much!
On the 29th, the boys went with LL & D to their ranch up in ID. I did fine with it up until they drove away in their car, then I bawled like a little baby. Six weeks without our kids.....what were we thinking??!! T & I went inside our casino and each had a Bailey's on the rocks. Did I expect it to solve my problem? No....just calm my nerves a hair or two. N E Who.... we flew home on the 30th of May. That was a long day...knowing I was so very far from my boys.
I kept myself busy tho' and on the 9th our oldest (E) graduated from high school. T and I drove down to NC to be there. Just days before our trip, I asked T if he was going to spend anytime with our other daugher (V,) they had been estranged for almost two years. Pretty much since our youngest boy was born. We saw her last when he was two days old. He wasn't so optimistic, but I convinced him to at least call her... She spent almost our whole time there with us. It was nice, and they even got along and got to talk a bit. We drove home that Sun, and three days later we were driving back down that way, but this time to Atlanta, GA. We were there for three day, when we had E and her bf AW come meet us so we could take them on her graduation present (a cruise to Puerto Rico, St Thomas, and St. Maartin.) We drove down to Miami and had a heck of a cruise!! In fact, I think I'll end here for now....fingers are getting tired, and tummy's rumbling. I'll try and pick this up later, I've missed blogging greatly! Take care my friends, and as always, thanks for your time, love, and support. Nika